“For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.” Psalm 91:11
It was a day. A day of constant reminders, of big emotions, of bigger stressors. A day where I sobbed in church. Where I sobbed at the gym. Where I sobbed at bedtime. Each time triggered by a big move by a bigger God. It was just one of those days.
But the moment at the end…it happened in slow motion. As I watched, frozen, my sweet puffin dove gleefully toward the animal “nest” the girls had created, plummeting toward the bunkbed steps. I saw his knees hit, perfectly angle to propel his body forward, and within a split second, his face slam against the side of the wooden bed step. Internally, I did a mom gasp/shriek/scream/cry, but externally, I physically crumpled to the floor, scooped him up, and just held him. I looked at his face, checked his eyes and surrounding bones, then held him – close – and cried. “Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus.” Sobbed. “Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus.” Rocked and swayed. Thank you, Jesus.
My girls, confused, could not figure out why I was saying a prayer of thanks as my little guy screamed in pain and cried those tears of devastation he has when he’s hurt. They couldn’t see everything happening internally; in my heart, I felt an overwhelming rush of emotional awareness, gratitude, and grace. Of realization of what could have gone differently, so very wrong, with the slightest torque of body or bend of stuffed animals. And I cried harder.
The puffin received a kiss of angels that evening. I know it in the depths of my soul. That day, from the get-go, God was reaching to me. Speaking to me. Sending people my way in impromptu prayer. And in one all-encompassing incident, the envelope was sealed: “Here I am. Trust. Me.”
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying my littlest was hurt as a way to send me a message. While I think those moments happened to an extent in biblical passages, I don’t believe God intentionally causes physical harm in the day to day. But as I looked at his healing scab tonight, it washed over me all over again, like an ocean wave that takes you by surprise: just because we get hurt, it doesn’t mean God turned away.
And I knew this. Oh, how I knew this. But tonight? It sunk in a little deeper. Hard times? God doesn’t leave. Grieving? Still present. Overwhelmed? Yep, He’s there. You lost your job, your spouse, your kids, your home? God is present, loving, gracious, and looking out. When my 6-year-old can gush during an everyday conversation, “I just love how God loves us so much that He cares about that“, it requires a gut check to remember just how much He really loves us. How much do I love my kids? And His love is SO MUCH MORE!
My precious reader, He has not turned His back on you. When your heart is open, when your mind is ready, open your eyes. Look around, be present, and pay attention. He’s speaking to you, and He wants you to know He has not abandoned you. Sometimes, His saving grace may look a little differently than you had imagined.